My Rules for Life 1st edition

Here's some things I've learned along the way, some stuff I knew anyway and some random bits and pieces, all of which should set you on your own journey of life should you be a gifted 3 year old and searching for guidance. It goes without saying that you will of course make your own mistakes but here's a few things to think about. Seriously.

• Don't eat boiled carrots. This goes for anything you think tastes bad - why eat stuff you don't like? Rule of thumb here: If you're eating it because it's on your plate, it's good for you, or any reason other than you really, really like it - Don't. This can be weirdly empowering. Start saying no to boiled carrots and soon you'll be looking differently at all kinds of things. True.
• Don't queue for food. It makes you look pathetic and poor. First rule of food queue is: The longer the queue, the worse the food. Have a look for yourself next time you're at a buffet, but best of all, just walk away with your dignity.
• If you're fat and over 40, don't take up tapdancing. It's way harder than it looks; it involves a LOT of bouncing which will send various bits of you into the air at different times but which will never land together. It will not get you fit or slim.
• Don't EVER have a best friend or partner who is substantially smaller than yourself (unless you're a guy in which case skip this piece of advice). You will always look massive beside this person no matter how slim and gorgeous you are, so stick to people your own size. If you happen to meet someone who you really, really like but who fails this essential test, conduct your entire relationship entirely by text or email. Save yourself the heartache and self-doubt.
• Avoid situations that could result in a headline that includes any of the following words or phrases : "Horrific", "Mutilated","DNA" or "Mother of 12". This rules out base jumping, marrying a morman or killing sprees. Use your own judgement here.
• Whenever a camera appears, have your expression ready. Practice this. Remember Princess Diana? How great she always looked in every photo. She was STILL. Don't move your face when you're getting your picture taken. Think of the other side of the coin here - the Duchess of York. VERY mobile face. I rest my case.
• Have at least one great, recent photo of yourself. Make sure your family and friends all have a copy. In the event you end up on the 6pm news (see above) at least you'll look attractive. Don't get too enthusiastic about photoshopping - if you're kidnapped it's important that people know what you actually look like if they decide to search for you.
• Try to avoid living in any community that includes "lifestyle" in its description. This term implies all sorts of unsavoury group activities and overzealous neighbours. Day one you'll be invited to a "getting to know you" dress-optional luau and the next there's a polite note in your letterbox reminding you about keeping your lawns correctly manicured. Don't go there.

My steamy afternoon with Hugh Jackman

Ok.. right from the top I have to post a disclaimer. All of the above is technically true... it's just that it was a typical Sydney summer day of unrelenting humidity and though Mr. Jackman was there, we weren't together in any real sense of the word. *Sigh*.
To be totally accurate, I admit reluctantly, that I had taken my 6yr old grandson out to the park for the afternoon and we were waiting in the bungy jumping queue. This was, I think I need to add, a very small and safe bungy jumping apparatus and entirely suitable for a 6yr old.
Anyway, I noticed this incredibly attractive man standing about 3 people ahead of us. One of those people that emanate style and grooming and drop-dead gorgeousness. Of course I stared, along with everyone else in the queue. Finally, I realised it was Hugh Jackman, waiting patiently along with everyone else, for his son to have a turn.
Despite a very strong urge to crash tackle him and assert my place as his "number one fan", I feebly tried not to gawk, but truly, he was so handsome and totally gorgeous... anyway.. he was cool too. He didn't pull rank but waited, in the sun, with the rest of us, though the people in charge of the ride cravenly attempted to give him priority, which he refused. *swoon*
Afterwards, I was putting my grandson's shoes back on when I realised the woman I was sitting next to, was Deborah-Lee Furness, MRS Hugh Jackman, so if I have to be completely truthful, I should change the title of this post to My steamy afternoon with Mr and Mrs Hugh Jackman. But I don't think I will.

Settling in.. finally

Well, finally we're back online after 2 weeks of hassling our telco. I have no idea how non-techies deal with problems, it's hair-tearingly frustrating.
A quick catch up of the move - packing up was hell and I will NEVER hoard stuff ever again; it's a nightmare trying to do it all and I went quite mad, leaving so much stuff behind that I now regret losing, but perhaps it's a lesson in zen acceptance and letting go. Maybe..
We ended up moving on the wettest day in years but I fled the scene and came down to the house with the laptop and waited for the movers. The dogs had been put into kennels earlier that week so at least I didn't have to worry about them. Unpacking was reasonably quick as I really wanted the house to look perfect as soon as possible rather than living with boxes so I worked my ass off to get it right. We still have all our pictures leaning up against the wall as there's almost nowhere to hang them nor will they really fit with the decor, but I'll figure something out. Eventually we'll do a bit of redecorating.. eventually.
In a fit of enthusiasm I started a vege garden; planted some lettuces and some asian salad greens - so far, Rabbits 6, Me 1/2 coz they don't like the asian greens so I guess we can live together in some kind of harmony. At least the parrots are enthusiastic about the seed I put out every couple of days and distract me evil bunnies.
Cleaning the house today - now I remember why I worked. I loathe repetitive tasks and housework has to take that particular cake. I've tried to persuade the dogs to help out but they claim their lack of an opposable thumb renders them useless, but I think they're just lazy, although I could make them wear booties so they could at least dust the floor a bit.
Vacuuming is next on my list of chores - great for back pain, should you ever feel the need for some. Oh well, here goes...

The new car..

I have my dream car - well, not the Ferrari, but close. My 'country' car, although it's not a battered old Land Rover or something that's intended to move sheep between muddy paddocks in the dead of winter. It's a very sexy Honda CRV which will easily accommodate two hooligan dogs and a grandson who tearfully informed me (after a rather hysterical encounter with said hooligans) that "I don't like dogs, I like CATS!". Yes. 'nuff said - Dogs will be restrained in the boot, darling.

I'm still initiating myself to the high tech wizardry of the car, including the heated seats which I hadn't realised were on and there was an odd moment when I wondered if I was having a very odd and specifically located hot flush. Ahem.

My last remaining dollars from my previous life as a career goddess were (almost) happily paid over to the RTA as registration changeover fees, as well as a Paddington parking permit and a full tank of petrol. At least I'll be able to drive from dumpster to dumpster to feed us until we sell our house and make the final move to the Southern Highlands.

Today has been all about the car so of course I haven't even thought about packing or cleaning out cupboards and it's only 3 weeks to go. Never mind. Tomorrow, absolutely. No, I MEAN it!
I've estimated that it will take 1 day per room to sort and pack, with the total exclusion of the spare bedroom which is truly horrible. A nightmare of my own making, and one task I can't delegate to Peter or the movers. I expect to find clothes I barely remember so the upside is I'll have an almost new wardrobe, although most things will be taken to charity shops as I can't envisage I'll need too many office outfits and high heels in Burrawang. That said, of course I'll keep a few pairs.. one never knows...

Darling Peter is being so calm, though it must be stressful for him as well. I can't wait for this all to be over and for us to be settled and happy with friends and family visiting to enjoy the delicious meals I'll finally have time to prepare.

Counting down!

Decision made - We're moving to the country!

Ok! After two years of looking we're on our way. Leaving the city for a tiny village in the country. The idyllic cottage has been purchased, complete with glorious garden, so it's time to pack and move. Oh. "Pack" and "move". Yes. Well. Hmmm.... I'm putting my well-honed procrastination skills into use in my appointed role as 'Project Manager', which really means I get to do everything. So, while I should be sorting 15 years of accumulated ebay purchases and items of 'sentimental value' i.e. junk, I've actually only got as far as:

• buying 2 chairs, bedding (uh, not the right size), a 'shabby chic' table and some kind of cupboardy thing off ebay. Yes, I'm bidding for more while I'm typing this. *Sigh*
• ordering online as a moving gift to me; gumboots - well, I HAD to have them; it's the country, right, and in my defence, they were on special and I didn't buy the fire engine red ones which were MUCH more expensive.
• Looking for a 'country' car for me. I think I've found one, but as I can't tell the difference between a blown head gasket and shin splints, tomorrow's anticipated purchase is still dependant upon a second opinion from a dear friend. Oh god, I LOVE this car and want it soooo much but have to be prepared to walk away if it isn't right for me. I can do it. I may have to be dragged rather than walk but I can do it. I'll keep saying this to myself while crossing my fingers that the deal will be done.

I'm presuming you've picked up on the pattern here? Not a moment spent cleaning out cupboards or cleaning; I've already transported myself to the new house and am in full 'decor' mode. Trawling through cupboards of clothes that haven't fit me for 20 years is nowhere near as tantalising as all the 'shabby chic' and 'french provincial' available via Google. *sigh* I have purchased super-strong garbage bags in which to transport all the stuff to charity shops so I can at least consider the job started; technically.

So much to do - moving 140km away has its own set of problems. We need a new bed and fridge, both of which need to be delivered to the new house before we move in, but there's such a tiny window of opportunity and until we have a confirmed settlement date I can't organise anything, plus I need to buy them locally rather than ship them from where we are now. Handy note: small town shops haven't really embraced the idea of online shopping, so I don't know what's there without making the trip down. Same with fencing and gates; these need to be in place before we introduce our dogs to country life, otherwise the last we shall see of them will be tails retreating over the nearest hill, in pursuit of foxes, rabbits and/or snakes. Yes, snakes. Not something we see a lot of in the city, despite a widely held view that Australians can't step outside our doors without encountering something venomous.

However, it will all be done, one way or another. Cupboards cleaned; fences built; beds delivered; a car. Onwards and upwards!