My Rules for Life 1st edition

Here's some things I've learned along the way, some stuff I knew anyway and some random bits and pieces, all of which should set you on your own journey of life should you be a gifted 3 year old and searching for guidance. It goes without saying that you will of course make your own mistakes but here's a few things to think about. Seriously.

• Don't eat boiled carrots. This goes for anything you think tastes bad - why eat stuff you don't like? Rule of thumb here: If you're eating it because it's on your plate, it's good for you, or any reason other than you really, really like it - Don't. This can be weirdly empowering. Start saying no to boiled carrots and soon you'll be looking differently at all kinds of things. True.
• Don't queue for food. It makes you look pathetic and poor. First rule of food queue is: The longer the queue, the worse the food. Have a look for yourself next time you're at a buffet, but best of all, just walk away with your dignity.
• If you're fat and over 40, don't take up tapdancing. It's way harder than it looks; it involves a LOT of bouncing which will send various bits of you into the air at different times but which will never land together. It will not get you fit or slim.
• Don't EVER have a best friend or partner who is substantially smaller than yourself (unless you're a guy in which case skip this piece of advice). You will always look massive beside this person no matter how slim and gorgeous you are, so stick to people your own size. If you happen to meet someone who you really, really like but who fails this essential test, conduct your entire relationship entirely by text or email. Save yourself the heartache and self-doubt.
• Avoid situations that could result in a headline that includes any of the following words or phrases : "Horrific", "Mutilated","DNA" or "Mother of 12". This rules out base jumping, marrying a morman or killing sprees. Use your own judgement here.
• Whenever a camera appears, have your expression ready. Practice this. Remember Princess Diana? How great she always looked in every photo. She was STILL. Don't move your face when you're getting your picture taken. Think of the other side of the coin here - the Duchess of York. VERY mobile face. I rest my case.
• Have at least one great, recent photo of yourself. Make sure your family and friends all have a copy. In the event you end up on the 6pm news (see above) at least you'll look attractive. Don't get too enthusiastic about photoshopping - if you're kidnapped it's important that people know what you actually look like if they decide to search for you.
• Try to avoid living in any community that includes "lifestyle" in its description. This term implies all sorts of unsavoury group activities and overzealous neighbours. Day one you'll be invited to a "getting to know you" dress-optional luau and the next there's a polite note in your letterbox reminding you about keeping your lawns correctly manicured. Don't go there.

My steamy afternoon with Hugh Jackman

Ok.. right from the top I have to post a disclaimer. All of the above is technically true... it's just that it was a typical Sydney summer day of unrelenting humidity and though Mr. Jackman was there, we weren't together in any real sense of the word. *Sigh*.
To be totally accurate, I admit reluctantly, that I had taken my 6yr old grandson out to the park for the afternoon and we were waiting in the bungy jumping queue. This was, I think I need to add, a very small and safe bungy jumping apparatus and entirely suitable for a 6yr old.
Anyway, I noticed this incredibly attractive man standing about 3 people ahead of us. One of those people that emanate style and grooming and drop-dead gorgeousness. Of course I stared, along with everyone else in the queue. Finally, I realised it was Hugh Jackman, waiting patiently along with everyone else, for his son to have a turn.
Despite a very strong urge to crash tackle him and assert my place as his "number one fan", I feebly tried not to gawk, but truly, he was so handsome and totally gorgeous... anyway.. he was cool too. He didn't pull rank but waited, in the sun, with the rest of us, though the people in charge of the ride cravenly attempted to give him priority, which he refused. *swoon*
Afterwards, I was putting my grandson's shoes back on when I realised the woman I was sitting next to, was Deborah-Lee Furness, MRS Hugh Jackman, so if I have to be completely truthful, I should change the title of this post to My steamy afternoon with Mr and Mrs Hugh Jackman. But I don't think I will.